Everything seems wonderful! Apart from nausea, spontaneous dizzy spells, swollen ankles and the need to use the bathroom frequently, everything is great! Especially when you know a small life is growing inside you! You have a front row seat to the miracle of life! And you couldn’t be more happy and thankful for this good fortune. The love of your partner has given fruit and you can feel that new life growing inside you. I read somewhere that women become mothers at the moment of conception, but fathers feel like a parent when they hold their child for the first time in their arms.

So, there is a large difference in the way men and women perceive pregnancy and paternity. Because it is a woman who bears the child, feeds and protects them from the very beginning.

Everything is really wonderful until one day… you feel a strange pain with a sense of loss. When you go to the doctor (it is important to visit your obstetrician urgently!), they tell you that it may not be anything bad, but you could be having a spontaneous abortion. Your heart is suddenly full of fear and pain, but you keep your hope (since it is the last thing to lose) until the very end. You begin to care for yourself following the instructions of the doctors. Studies rule out other issues and the heartbeat of the embryo cannot be felt because your baby is still too small. So you continue your normal routine, but soon you are faced with worst case scenario.  

Physical pain from spontaneous abortion is bearable. Terrible yes, but bearable. However, the internal pain in your heart and soul are indescribable! Within your little tummy rested so many illusions. And soon, the fantasy name and the little face you saw only in dreams, is gone. It is normal to feel pain and shame. It is also normal to keep the pain inside and refuse to talk to anyone. You may cry in the corners and feel your world is crumbling around you.

No words can really help. Doctors tell us with numbers that between 15 and 20% of pregnancies end abruptly before the seventh week. But numbers mean nothing to you and they bring no comfort! And they don’t help you get over the pain. What can help is to understand that it is not yours or your partner’s fault. If your partner is with you and offers support, the situation will be a little bit easier. You also have to understand that your partner is going through the same period of grief. He only expresses it differently.

It is also a relief to speak about your fears with a good friend or family. Talking about it removes some of the stigma. Understanding that things like this happen in life will help you take stock of the situation, which is a necessary step to jump start the healing process. One day you will get up and although you will never forget, you will stop crying. And guess what? You might be ready to try again! Because life goes on and you have lots of love to give!

It is not true that you do not have to spend time grieving. As with all of life’s losses, we need to remove the pain little by little and heal our wounds. Of course, it is perfectly fine to cry and ask for hugs! And for a while it is good to suffer and leave it all behind. For some of people, writing is a great way to help your emotions. If you find this helpful, write down what you feel, experience and think! Expressing your feelings on paper will allow you to reach the necessary catharsis to complete the healing process.

If the pain persists and you feel unable to do anything, not even eat, you need to visit a professional for help. After a miscarriage, both body and soul are in a delicate and fragile state. You need to take care of yourself, to continue taking your vitamins and find the time needed to do important things. Each person is different but, in general, after a few months (recommended by the gynecologist to allow the body sufficient rest), you can try again.

I know it is difficult but you can get through it, because your dreams are stronger than your loss! And you are strong enough to overcome anything!

In a few days, it will be Mother’s Day. More than likely (if you are going through a situation like this), you will feel a little depressed, especially if you have friends with babies. It is normal to think about what has happened, not only on special days like this one, but also on the day you would have had your baby. Don’t feel bad! Be happy for your friends and the miracle of life! Enjoy other children because soon you will have your own little one, cradled in your arms! Then in a few years they will kiss you and say: “Happy Mother’s Day, I love you!”